Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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