Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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