I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
