You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
