how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
