i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
