Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
