Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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