just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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