Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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