He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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