If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
