He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
