Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
