In the future we'll all be gay
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
