Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
