I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
