I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
