i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
