i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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