thus making me awesome and them whores
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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