i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
