Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
