Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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