If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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