This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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