So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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