And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am never drinking with the goths again.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
