Sacagawea was the original milf.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
