i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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