remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
