we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
