I'm jealous of your bromance
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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