i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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