is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
