You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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