I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
