the condom got lost in my hair
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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