The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
