Define "chronic" masturbator.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
