He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
