If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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