Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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