i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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