For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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