His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
