Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
