Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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