so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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