So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
