If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
